One question that I get a lot is; “Pastor do I really have to forgive everything, every time”? I have an answer but before I give it let’s see what the bible says about it? Whenever someone asks me a question dealing with relationships I always defer to the bible because it’s the manual that God gave to guide us on how to forgive.
First let’s define the word forgive.
Forgive (verb)
- to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong) : to stop blaming (someone)
- to stop feeling anger about (something) : to forgive someone for (something wrong)
- to stop requiring payment of (money that is owed)
Synonym - pardon
To forgive is to stop feeling anger toward someone or about something, to pardon them. To forget is to not remember or think or care about something, to unlearn or disremember.
Forgiveness in the Bible
The Bible does, in many places, commands us to forgive each other. Here are two examples:
- Matthew 6:14 (HCSB) “For if you forgive people their wrongdoing, your heavenly Father will forgive you as well.
- Ephesians 4:32 (HCSB) And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.
Jesus’ comment to Peter when he asked how many times we should forgive implies constant forgiveness without holding it against the one we forgive.
Matthew 18:21-22 (HCSB) 21 Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how many times could my brother sin against me and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” 22 “I tell you, not as many as seven,” Jesus said to him, “but 70 times seven.
The Bible also tells us that if we don’t forgive we won’t be forgiven.
- Matthew 6:14-15 (HCSB) 14 “For if you forgive people their wrongdoing, your heavenly Father will forgive you as well. 15 But if you don’t forgive people, your Father will not forgive your wrongdoing.
- Mark 11:25-26 (HCSB) 25 And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven will also forgive you your wrongdoing. [ 26 But if you don’t forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your wrongdoing.]” A forgiving spirit is made easier for Christians when they consider how much God has already forgiven.
Why should we give anybody a clean slate who has wronged us? Because God, who is our example for how to forgive, does. He forgives and overlooks everything that we have done and do against Him, through Jesus, so that we can have eternal life and an eternal inheritance.
Micah 7:18 (HCSB) Who is a God like You, removing iniquity and passing over rebellion for the remnant of His inheritance? He does not hold on to His anger forever, because He delights in faithful love.
Forgiveness is an act of the will and since God commands us to forgive we must make that choice. We must forgive even if the person who offended us doesn’t ask for or doesn’t even want forgiveness.
Matthew 5:44-45 (HCSB) 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 so that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. For He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.
By Rick Warren
“God has done it all! He sent Christ to make peace between himself and us, and he has given us the work of making peace between himself and others. What we mean is that God was in Christ, offering peace and forgiveness to the people of this world. And he has given us the work of sharing his message about peace. We were sent to speak for Christ, and God is begging you to listen to our message. We speak for Christ and sincerely ask you to make peace with God” (2 Corinthians 5:18-20 CEV).
Relinquish your right to get even. Romans 12:19 says, “Don’t try to get even. Let God take revenge” (CEV). Leave it up to God. He’ll take care of it, and he’ll handle things much better than you ever could.
Respond to evil with good. How can you tell when you’ve completely forgiven someone? You can actually pray for God to bless the person who hurt you. The Bible says. “Do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you” (Luke 6:27-28 NIV).
Repeat these steps as long as necessary. Peter asked Jesus in Matthew 18:21-22, “‘How many times should I forgive someone who does something wrong to me? Is seven times enough?’ Jesus answered, ‘Not just seven times, but seventy-seven times!’” (CEV). Sometimes forgiveness has to be continual.
Rescue others with the Good News of God’s forgiveness. The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 5:18-20, “God has done it all! He sent Christ to make peace between himself and us, and he has given us the work of making peace between himself and others. What we mean is that God was in Christ, offering peace and forgiveness to the people of this world. And he has given us the work of sharing his message about peace. We were sent to speak for Christ, and God is begging you to listen to our message. We speak for Christ and sincerely ask you to make peace with God” (CEV).
By Rick Warren
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28 NIV).
You’ve heard this phrase over and over: “Forgive and forget.” There’s only one problem: You can’t do it. It’s impossible! You really can’t forget a hurt in your life. In fact, you can’t even try to forget it. Because when you’re trying to forget, you are actually focusing on the very thing you want to forget.
Forgetting is not what God wants you to do. Instead, he wants you to trust him and see how he can bring good out of it. That’s more important than forgetting, because then you can thank God for the good that he brought out of it. You can’t thank God for things you forget.
Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (NIV).
It doesn’t say that all things are good, because not all things are good. Cancer is not good. Disease is not good. Death is not good. Divorce is not good. War is not good. Rape and abuse are not good. A lot of things in life are evil. These are the realities of living in a world that’s been contaminated by sin.
But God says he will work good out of the bad things in life if you will trust him. When you come to him and say, “God, I give you all the pieces of my life,” he will return peace for your pieces. His peace in your heart comes from realizing that even if you don’t understand the hurt in your life, you can still forgive, knowing that God will use that pain for good.
You don’t have to forget the wrong thing that someone did to you. You couldn’t do it even if you tried! But God says you don’t have to forget it. You just have to forgive and then see how he will bring good out of it.
By Rick Warren
“God has done it all! He sent Christ to make peace between himself and us, and he has given us the work of making peace between himself and others. What we mean is that God was in Christ, offering peace and forgiveness to the people of this world. And he has given us the work of sharing his message about peace. We were sent to speak for Christ, and God is begging you to listen to our message. We speak for Christ and sincerely ask you to make peace with God” (2 Corinthians 5:18-20 CEV).
Relinquish your right to get even. Romans 12:19 says, “Don’t try to get even. Let God take revenge” (CEV). Leave it up to God. He’ll take care of it, and he’ll handle things much better than you ever could.
Respond to evil with good. How can you tell when you’ve completely forgiven someone? You can actually pray for God to bless the person who hurt you. The Bible says. “Do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you” (Luke 6:27-28 NIV).
Repeat these steps as long as necessary. Peter asked Jesus in Matthew 18:21-22, “‘How many times should I forgive someone who does something wrong to me? Is seven times enough?’ Jesus answered, ‘Not just seven times, but seventy-seven times!’” (CEV). Sometimes forgiveness has to be continual.
Rescue others with the Good News of God’s forgiveness. The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 5:18-20, “God has done it all! He sent Christ to make peace between himself and us, and he has given us the work of making peace between himself and others. What we mean is that God was in Christ, offering peace and forgiveness to the people of this world. And he has given us the work of sharing his message about peace. We were sent to speak for Christ, and God is begging you to listen to our message. We speak for Christ and sincerely ask you to make peace with God” (CEV).