Do you know what the Bible has to say about comparing yourself to others?
2 Corinthians 10:12 NLT Oh, don’t worry; we wouldn’t dare say that we are as wonderful as these other men who tell you how important they are! But they are only comparing themselves with each other, using themselves as the standard of measurement. How ignorant! (emphasis mine)
Proverbs 14:30 NIV A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.
One of Ten Commandments prohibits comparison.
Exodus 20:17 NLT “You must not covet your neighbor’s house. You must not covet your neighbor’s wife, male or female servant, ox or donkey, or anything else that belongs to your neighbor.”
Most of the time comparison happens before we realize it. Before you know it, we’ve measured someone else by our own standards, or concluded, after observation and the collection of a few facts, that we're either inferior or superior to them.
Jesus warned us not to get caught up in comparison.
Luke 18:9-14 NLT Then Jesus told this story to some who had great confidence in their own righteousness and scorned everyone else: “Two men went to the Temple to pray. One was a Pharisee, and the other was a despised tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed this prayer : ‘I thank you, God, that I am not like other people—cheaters, sinners, adulterers. I’m certainly not like that tax collector! I fast twice a week, and I give you a tenth of my income.’ “But the tax collector stood at a distance and dared not even lift his eyes to heaven as he prayed. Instead, he beat his chest in sorrow, saying, ‘O God, be merciful to me, for I am a sinner.’ I tell you, this sinner, not the Pharisee, returned home justified before God. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”
How to Rejoice in God’s Goodness to Others
By Rick Warren
“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15 ESV).
When we see God being kind and gracious to others, we can respond with joy rather than resentment.
In the parable of the vineyard workers, that is the exact opposite of what the workers did: “The workers who had been hired first thought they would be given more than the others. But when they were given the same, they began complaining to the owner of the vineyard. . . . [And he said,] ‘Are you envious because I am generous?’” (Matthew 20:10-11, 15 CEV/NIV). The guys who worked all day were paid exactly what they were contracted to be paid. They weren’t cheated; yet, they resented that other people who only worked the last part of the day were given the same amount. Instead of enjoying their pay, these workers resented it.
In Romans 12:15, the Bible says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep” (ESV). The second half of this verse is much easier to do than the first half. It’s easy to weep with those who weep. When someone is having a tough time, it’s easy to be sympathetic.
But it’s much more difficult to rejoice when someone has a success. We often don’t handle the success of other people very well. In fact, we’re sometimes threatened by it, and we resent it. That’s because in our minds we think the world is a giant pie that’s divided up into slices. We think, If somebody’s slice gets a little bit bigger than mine, that must mean my slice is going to be smaller.
That kind of thinking is wrong. Because God’s got all the pie filling in the world! He doesn’t run out of blessings. He doesn’t run out of grace. There’s more than enough to go around for everybody, and just because God blesses somebody else doesn’t mean there’s not enough blessing for you, too. He wants to bless you, but it may be in different ways.
The main thing envy does is keep you from entering into the joy of other people. As a result, you don’t enjoy much that goes on in the world. Envy will make you a pretty miserable person.
But if you choose to rejoice in God’s goodness to others, you can be joyful all the time — because something good is always happening to somebody.
Editor’s Note: The following section is based on 4 Ways to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
written by Cindi McMenamin (Scriptures added by me)
It’s hard to admit we struggle with envy because it’s such an ugly emotion. When you’re envious of others, you really want them to fail, because it makes you feel better that they don’t have more than you. That’s pretty crazy, isn’t it? If we can learn to be grateful for what we have, we can begin to get rid of these feelings of envy.
It’s important to understand that envy is not about having a desire or a dream or a goal. It’s good to have those. Envy is not about looking forward to something or hoping that something can happen in your life or even wondering if you should have something. Instead, envy is resenting somebody who has already obtained what you desire or who has reached a goal you have yet to attain. Envy says you can’t be happy until you get that desire or reach that goal. Envy is not being grateful for what you already have
The Bible tells us that we already have more than we need and far more than we deserve. Every good thing in our lives is a gift from God, and it is up to him to decide when and how he blesses us. It’s up to us to choose to be grateful and make the most of what we’ve been given.
Comparison is so rooted into our culture that few of us even notice it anymore. Instead, we fall for it hook, line and sinker. “If only I had XYZ that they have, then I would be happy!” or “If only I could be more like them, then life would be better!”.
Most of the time comparison happens before we realize it. Before you know it, we’ve measured someone else by our own standards, or concluded, after observation and the collection of a few facts, that we're either inferior or superior to them.
Here are four ways to stop comparing yourself to others (and find peace and contentment in being yourself):
1. Remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalm 18:30 tells us God’s ways are “perfect” and Psalm 139:14 tells us that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made.”
Psalms 18:30 NLT God’s way is perfect. All the Lord ’s promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to him for protection.
Psalms 139:14 NLT Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
Therefore you are God’s unique creation. As you surrender your heart and will to Him, He can mold you and transform you into exactly what He wants you to be. So when you begin to feel inadequate and feel the temptation to compare, quietly whisper a prayer of thanks to God for making you the way you are.
2. Realize we all have different strengths and weaknesses.
I once heard my father jokingly say to someone, “There will always be someone thinner, richer, and better looking, so get used to it.” I realize now that his advice is true. No matter how hard you and I try, someone will always be better at something than we are. So when we start feeling the need to compare, we must recognize our opportunity to practice humility. This, too, can come through a simple prayer: Thank You, Heavenly Father, that in my weakness, You are strong. Help me rely on You and Your strength, rather than seek out someone who appears weaker than me to make myself feel stronger.
2 Corinthians 12:8-10 NLT Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
3. Choose compliments over comparison.
When you notice a mom who is able to manage her many kids in public better than you can, don’t start thinking of the many reasons she’s probably able to do that (she doesn’t work, she’s rich, she has a husband who dotes on her). Instead, compliment her on it. I once saw a woman in a store wearing the same top I had… only she looked better in it. She was shorter, thinner, and younger. Rather than dwell on that (and begin to hate her for it) I quickly said “I have that same top, but you look so much better in it. Good job.” The sincere smile on my face killed the self pity that could have arisen in my heart that I’m not younger, thinner or more able to rock that top. Genuinely complimenting others outwardly keeps us from complaining inwardly and cultivating a critical spirit.
4. Rely on God’s opinion rather than the opinion of others.
Our own insecurity often causes us to compare ourselves with others, looking for a way to feel superior. But what if you and I relied on God’s opinion of us before we had a chance to listen to our own, or others’ opinions. If someone is praising a woman who hasn’t done half of what you’ve done, quietly thank God that He sees your heart and actions and He knows the real story. If someone is bragging about her own abilities, don’t start comparing her talents with yours. Instead, quietly whisper “This doesn’t matter, God. Help me to be content with Your evaluation of me over anything else.” Sometimes we have to tell ourselves what to think in order to keep our minds from going in the wrong direction. Not only are you and I fearfully and wonderfully made, but when we are in Christ, He sees us as perfect in Christ. That means we have God’s measuring stick, not our own or that of others to live by.