If you've lost a spouse, child, family member, or friend, you've discovered that few people understand the deep hurt you feel.
It’s been three and a half years since Ruth, my wife of forty years went to be with the Lord, and to be perfectly honest I’m not over it yet. I don’t mean that I’m wallowing in sorrow but I am still grieving. It’s not as bad as it was for the first year or so but I admit that I’m still grieving. I don’t have periods of weeping or moping around but there are times that I just say “wow I really miss you Ruth” or “I wish Ruth was here to help me with this decision”. There are times, and it happens frequently, when I’ll be driving down the street perhaps in a area that I haven’t visited in an long time, I’ll pass a building, or corner or for no reason at all I’ll think Ruth and I passed here, or we went here and I’ll smile. There are times that I see, as clear as day, the first time that we met. I even remember what she was wearing, I can’t remember what I had on but I remember what she was wearing.
God blessed us to be able to live in every corner of the country but the northeast, so we had friends all over the country. Although every day wasn’t rosie, in fact some were pretty dark, I’ll remember, as clear as day, the good times that we had in San Jose, Sunnyvale, Burlingame, Northridge, or Los Angeles twice, Oklahoma City, Orlando, or Atlanta. I have so many wonderful memories that I could have a new one everyday and not repeat one of them for the next twenty years.
I have good friends that have just started the grieving process because of the sudden and tragic loss of a loved one. We all grieve differently and now that I’ve been in the grief process for over three years I would never try to advise anybody of how to grieve. That’s why I found this devotion from fathgateway.com so helpful. The authors Bill Dunn and Kathy Leonard don’t try to tell you how to grieve they tell us about the one who goes through our grief with us.
This post is for me, my friends, and anyone else going through a season of grief.
Season of Grief, Journey of Faith
by Bill Dunn and Kathy Leonard, from Through a Season of Grief
Understanding Your Grief
But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. — Isaiah 40:31
Grief is not an enemy or a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being human.
Grief is the cost of loving someone.
Since grief comes to everyone, why do some people seem to work through it better than others?
“Some people think that going through the losses or crises of life are the exceptional times,” says Dr. H. Norman Wright.
“I see it differently. I see the times of calm as the exceptions. Life really is going through one loss after another, one crisis after another. Instead of avoiding talking about these times, let’s do our homework. When you know what to expect, you’re not thrown by them as much, and you’re going to be better able to recover.”
Lord God, teach me to embrace my grief and not fight it, so that I may experience the true healing that comes from You.
Grief Is a Unique Experience
O LORD, You have examined my heart and know everything about me… Thank You for making me so wonderfully complex… You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in Your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. — Psalm 139:1,14,16 (NLT)
You may feel it is useless to talk about your grief because no one truly understands what you are going through.
“You sometimes feel after an experience like this that you’re talking a foreign language,” says Dora, whose daughter died. “You feel like there’s no way anybody can know what you’re feeling. There is absolutely no way anyone can know the depth of your pain. So you feel like it’s futile to talk about it because words can’t express the pain.”
Although countless people have experienced grief before you, each person’s response to grief is different. Your path of grief will be uniquely your own.
Be encouraged that regardless of how your grief appears to you or others, it has a precious uniqueness to the One who created you.
God, who knows intimately your personality, your relationships, and the experiences of your life, knows your grief and isn’t shocked or surprised by your responses.
Father, thank You that my way of grieving is distinctly my own, reflective of all You have sovereignly created me to be and experience.
Grief Runs Deep: Where Is the Hope?
Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD. — Psalm 31:24
Dr. Joseph Stowell says, “Even though your heart is breaking and tears are clouding your eyes and staining your cheeks, God does give us something worth trusting in tough times. And that’s Him, and Him alone.”
When your heart is breaking, you can place your hope and trust in the Lord.
Anne Graham Lotz defines hope: “Biblical hope is absolute confidence in something you haven’t seen or received yet, but you’re absolutely confident that whatever God has said is going to come to pass.”
She also declares that “Jesus is your hope for the future. One day Jesus Christ will come back, and He will set all of the wrong right. Good will triumph over the bad. Love will triumph over hate. Righteousness will triumph over evil. He’s going to make it all right, and you can have absolute confidence that that’s going to take place. That’s your hope.”
Sovereign God, I choose hope. I choose faith. I choose life. Give me an unshakable faith in You.
Grief Lasts Longer Than Expected
Grief ’s unexpected turns will throw you again and again. You may feel that for every step forward, you take at least one step back.
The grieving process generally takes longer than you ever imagined. Please don’t rush this process. Remember, what you are feeling is not only normal, it is necessary.
“It’s been seven years, and I’m still going through it,” says Dr. Larry Crabb, whose brother died in a plane crash. “I don’t know if it’s a very holy thing to admit, but when someone says, ‘Well, it’s been a week, a month, a year — Larry, for you it’s been seven years. Get a grip. Where’s your faith in Christ, for goodness’ sake?’ I get really angry.
“Knowing the Lord and His comfort does not take away the ache; instead, it supports you in the middle of the ache. Until I get home to heaven, there’s going to be an ache that won’t quit. The grieving process for me is not so much a matter of getting rid of the pain, but not being controlled by the pain.”
We read in the Psalms that David grew weary with the process of grief and cried out to the Lord. Then he left the timing in God’s hands.
Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint; O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long? Turn, O LORD, and deliver me; save me because of Your unfailing love. — Psalm 6:2-4
I am weary with my sighing; Every night I make my bed swim, I dissolve my couch with my tears. My eye has wasted away with grief. — Psalm 6:6-7
Heavenly God, I cannot even begin to put my grief in a time frame. Thank You that I don’t have to. Comfort me and support me as I lean on You.
He Will Carry You
Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to You, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. — Psalm 61:1-3
The Lord will carry you if you ask Him. When you are feeling so weak you cannot take another step, ask Him to lift you high into His loving arms. Then rest in Him with an open and listening heart. This does not mean your problems will disappear, but it does mean you will have Someone to share them with.
“If you are someone who does not know Jesus Christ as your Savior and you have just been widowed or bereaved, you have a tremendous burden,” says Elisabeth Elliot. “You are tired, and it is too big a burden to carry. The Lord says, ‘Come to Me, you who are tired and over-burdened, and I will give you rest.’”
To receive peace and rest in Christ, the instructions are clear. Jesus says, “Come to Me.” You must first approach Him and then talk to Him and quietly listen.
Lord, I come to You. My heart is worn out, and I need You. Take my heavy burden today. Amen.
If you've lost a spouse, child, family member, or friend, you've discovered that few people understand the deep hurt you feel. Where do you turn for daily comfort and help? Where do you find the tools to move forward? Through a Season of Grief is the first 365-day devotional designed to support and uplift you in the first, most difficult year of bereavement. These devotions offer biblical comfort and practical teaching that will enable you to take steps forward each day toward healing. You will better understand the grieving process and will receive needed encouragement along the way. More than thirty respected Christian professionals – including Kay Arthur, Jack Hayford, Elisabeth Elliot, Norman Wright, Barbara Johnson, and Luis Palau – share their insights on how to walk through the devastation of grief toward wholeness and hope. You will also hear from people like you who have lost a loved one and have found God's healing presence in the midst of despair. This unique devotional is based on GriefShare®, a national grief recovery support group program that has helped more than 100,000 families. "Grief is likely the most difficult journey you will ever take. We pray that these devotions will provide you with instruction, wisdom, hope, and healing as you face grief moment by moment and day by day." — Bill and Kathy, authors
This blog is for you! If you have any questions or topics you would like me to address please use the comments section or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Donald Jacobs is an ordained minister with the spiritual gift of teaching. He is the Associate Pastor of a non-denominational church in Los Angeles, CA.