Are you living with an impossibility? An insurmountable challenge that you’re powerless to change. Maybe it's a lifelong dream that has never come true. Maybe it’s a chronic pain, a wall you’ve slammed into in your career. Whatever it is, you’ve run out of options. No pastor, no professional, no friend—not even you, yourself—can bring the change that’s needed. You’re stuck. If you feel that nothing good has or will ever happen in your life you may have a victim mentality. If you are a Christian, you are a child of God, and He says that you have the victory.
Romans 8:31-39 NIV What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (emphasis mine)
However, the choice is yours. You can choose to live in victory, no matter the circumstances, or you can choose to live as the victim. The choice is yours.
Ten Signs that You may have a Victim Mentality
Let's be honest, we will all play the victim card at some point because we all want to be understood and find comfort amid pain. However, we need to be careful to not become self-focused, expecting others to fulfill us, because they will never fill us the way we truly need. Only Jesus can do that.
Here are some questions to ask yourself do I:
- Blame others for the situation?
- Compare my struggles to others'?
- Tend to believe the worst-case scenario, and that there is no way out?
- Wallow in self-pity, sharing your hurt and pain with anyone who will listen?
- Emotionally manipulate family and close friends to feel validated?
- Become codependent on others and expect them to help anytime?
- Lack responsibility and see things one way?
- Feel attacked or intimidated when someone asks questions?
- Exaggerate the story or situation?
- View self as innocent and without fault?
If you find that you have some of these tendances, please realize that they will eventually hurt you and damage your relationships.
How do You Get out of the Victim Mentality Rut?
Realize that there are two sides to every story and try to understand how others feel.
Take responsibility for your own actions and explore your own beliefs and feelings.
Do things that you enjoy giving yourself a different perspective and bring back joy into your life.
Forgive yourself and others.
Treat others how you want to be treated. It’s okay to ask for help but be aware when you are repeatedly asking the same person for help, so that you are not taking advantage of their kindness and cause tension in the relationship.
Tell yourself that you are an overcomer. Take your heart to God and have Him remind you of that truth.
Romans 8:37-39 NIV 37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,8:38 Or nor heavenly rulers neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Get quiet and dig in His Word to be filled with His goodness.
Psalm 46:10 NIV He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”
Jesus encountered many trials in his life. He was often seen as an outcast and misunderstood. He was ridiculed and mocked. He didn’t use excuses to get His way or expect others to feel and understand His pain. He didn’t blame God or others. He chose to overcome the world with love, grace, and goodness. Jesus was a victor. And as believers, we can follow His example and be victorious too!
John 16: 33 NIV “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
Don’t allow your circumstances or trials to control you. Don’t believe the lie that others are causing your pain. Don’t let the victim card or the deceiver win, you are an overcomer – believe it!
1 John 4:4 NIV You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.