As Christians, we often carry this deep-seated belief that since Jesus came from Heaven to walk among us, walking away from anyone, or letting anyone walk away from the truth, is a failure on our part. We feel a responsibility, sometimes an overwhelming one, to "save" every situation, to convince every person, to keep everyone within the fold.
But here’s a challenging truth: Jesus walked away or let others walk away… a lot.
It might surprise you to learn there are forty-one instances in the Gospels where Jesus either intentionally walked away or allowed someone else to depart. Think about that for a moment. Forty-one times.
Sometimes, He walked away from crowds who wanted more of Him, perhaps for His own refreshment, renewal, or even protection.
John 6:14-15 NIV [14] After the people saw the sign Jesus performed, they began to say, Surely this is the Prophet who is to come into the world.” [15] Jesus, knowing that they intended to come and make him king by force, withdrew again to a mountain by himself.
The crucial takeaway here is that Jesus didn't allow the needs, pleas, attacks, or unresponsiveness of others to derail Him from the mission His heavenly Father had given Him. And one significant detail we don't often recognize is that when others walked away, Jesus didn't give chase. As powerful, brilliant, pure, and utterly surrendered to God as Jesus was, not everyone He interacted with "changed," repented, or even agreed with Him.
Sometimes, truly following in the footsteps of Jesus means knowing when to walk away from others, or when to let them walk away from us.
Consider the poignant story of the rich young ruler. Jesus, with His divine insight, discerned the core issue in this young man's life: his love for money. When the earnest young man couldn't bring himself to walk away from his wealth, he chose to walk away from Jesus.
Matthew 19:16-26 NIV [16] Just then a man came up to Jesus and asked, “Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?” [17] “Why do you ask me about what is good?” Jesus replied. “There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, keep the commandments.” [18] “Which ones?” he inquired. Jesus replied, “ ‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, [19] honor your father and mother,’ and ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’” [20] “All these I have kept,” the young man said. “What do I still lack?” [21] Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” [22] When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth. [23] Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Truly I tell you, it is hard for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. [24] Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.” [25] When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and asked, “Who then can be saved?” [26] Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
Notice what our Lord didn't do. He didn't run after him. Jesus didn't say, "Wait! I know asking you to give 100 percent is a bit extreme; if you give away just 50 percent, I think we can make this work. I need followers! Let’s bargain!" No. Instead, He turned to His disciples and explained the profound challenge this rich man faced in joining them.
On another occasion, after delivering a challenging teaching about eating His flesh and drinking His blood – a teaching that was certainly difficult to digest for many – Jesus lost a significant number of previously enthusiastic followers:
John 6:49-67 NIV [49] Your ancestors ate the manna in the wilderness, yet they died. [50] But here is the bread that comes down from heaven, which anyone may eat and not die. [51] I am the living bread that came down from heaven. Whoever eats this bread will live forever. This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world.” [52] Then the Jews began to argue sharply among themselves, “How can this man give us his flesh to eat?” [53] Jesus said to them, “Very truly I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. [54] Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day. [55] For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. [56] Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in them. [57] Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of me. [58] This is the bread that came down from heaven. Your ancestors ate manna and died, but whoever feeds on this bread will live forever.” [59] He said this while teaching in the synagogue in Capernaum. [60] On hearing it, many of his disciples said, “This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?” [61] Aware that his disciples were grumbling about this, Jesus said to them, “Does this offend you? [62] Then what if you see the Son of Man ascend to where he was before! [63] The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you—they are full of the Spirit and life. [64] Yet there are some of you who do not believe.” For Jesus had known from the beginning which of them did not believe and who would betray him. [65] He went on to say, “This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the Father has enabled them.” [66] From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.[67] “You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve.(emphasis mine)
Not just one, but many walked away. And these weren't just casual onlookers; they were called His "disciples." Yet, instead of chasing them down, begging them not to misunderstand Him, and pleading with them to come back, Jesus simply turned to His reliable inner circle, the Twelve, and asked, "So, what about you? Are you also going to leave?".
Jesus never appears desperate, manipulative, or controlling, as if His feelings would be hurt when people didn't agree with Him. He was fundamentally mission-focused and others-centered.
Jesus also demonstrates the need to sometimes "verbally" walk away when dealing with a toxic person.
Luke 23:8-9 NIV [8] When Herod saw Jesus, he was greatly pleased, because for a long time he had been wanting to see him. From what he had heard about him, he hoped to see him perform a sign of some sort. [9] He plied him with many questions, but Jesus gave him no answer.
Matthew 27:12-14 NIV [12] When he was accused by the chief priests and the elders, he gave no answer. [13] Then Pilate asked him, “Don’t you hear the testimony they are bringing against you?” [14] But Jesus made no reply, not even to a single charge—to the great amazement of the governor.
We don’t have to argue. When a toxic person is attacking you, you don’t have to participate, especially when you know it won’t make any difference.
Perhaps the most profound example of Jesus letting someone walk away occurred at the Last Supper. Jesus knew Judas was going to betray Him. He even spoke about it in advance. And yet, He allowed Judas to walk out of the room. He didn’t chase after him. He didn’t waste precious time trying to change Judas’s mind. Instead, He spent every last minute He had left investing in His faithful, reliable disciples and in prayer, right up until the moment He was arrested.
But here’s a challenging truth: Jesus walked away or let others walk away… a lot.
It might surprise you to learn there are forty-one instances in the Gospels where Jesus either intentionally walked away or allowed someone else to depart. Think about that for a moment. Forty-one times.
Sometimes, He walked away from crowds who wanted more of Him, perhaps for His own refreshment, renewal, or even protection.
John 6:14-15 NIV [14] After the people saw the sign Jesus performed, they began to say, Surely this is the Prophet who is to come into the world.” [15] Jesus, knowing that they intended to come and make him king by force, withdrew again to a mountain by himself.
The crucial takeaway here is that Jesus didn't allow the needs, pleas, attacks, or unresponsiveness of others to derail Him from the mission His heavenly Father had given Him. And one significant detail we don't often recognize is that when others walked away, Jesus didn't give chase. As powerful, brilliant, pure, and utterly surrendered to God as Jesus was, not everyone He interacted with "changed," repented, or even agreed with Him.
Sometimes, truly following in the footsteps of Jesus means knowing when to walk away from others, or when to let them walk away from us.
Consider the poignant story of the rich young ruler. Jesus, with His divine insight, discerned the core issue in this young man's life: his love for money. When the earnest young man couldn't bring himself to walk away from his wealth, he chose to walk away from Jesus.
Matthew 19:16-26 NIV [16] Just then a man came up to Jesus and asked, “Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?” [17] “Why do you ask me about what is good?” Jesus replied. “There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, keep the commandments.” [18] “Which ones?” he inquired. Jesus replied, “ ‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, [19] honor your father and mother,’ and ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’” [20] “All these I have kept,” the young man said. “What do I still lack?” [21] Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” [22] When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth. [23] Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Truly I tell you, it is hard for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. [24] Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.” [25] When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and asked, “Who then can be saved?” [26] Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
Notice what our Lord didn't do. He didn't run after him. Jesus didn't say, "Wait! I know asking you to give 100 percent is a bit extreme; if you give away just 50 percent, I think we can make this work. I need followers! Let’s bargain!" No. Instead, He turned to His disciples and explained the profound challenge this rich man faced in joining them.
On another occasion, after delivering a challenging teaching about eating His flesh and drinking His blood – a teaching that was certainly difficult to digest for many – Jesus lost a significant number of previously enthusiastic followers:
John 6:49-67 NIV [49] Your ancestors ate the manna in the wilderness, yet they died. [50] But here is the bread that comes down from heaven, which anyone may eat and not die. [51] I am the living bread that came down from heaven. Whoever eats this bread will live forever. This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world.” [52] Then the Jews began to argue sharply among themselves, “How can this man give us his flesh to eat?” [53] Jesus said to them, “Very truly I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. [54] Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day. [55] For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. [56] Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in them. [57] Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of me. [58] This is the bread that came down from heaven. Your ancestors ate manna and died, but whoever feeds on this bread will live forever.” [59] He said this while teaching in the synagogue in Capernaum. [60] On hearing it, many of his disciples said, “This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?” [61] Aware that his disciples were grumbling about this, Jesus said to them, “Does this offend you? [62] Then what if you see the Son of Man ascend to where he was before! [63] The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you—they are full of the Spirit and life. [64] Yet there are some of you who do not believe.” For Jesus had known from the beginning which of them did not believe and who would betray him. [65] He went on to say, “This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the Father has enabled them.” [66] From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.[67] “You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve.(emphasis mine)
Not just one, but many walked away. And these weren't just casual onlookers; they were called His "disciples." Yet, instead of chasing them down, begging them not to misunderstand Him, and pleading with them to come back, Jesus simply turned to His reliable inner circle, the Twelve, and asked, "So, what about you? Are you also going to leave?".
Jesus never appears desperate, manipulative, or controlling, as if His feelings would be hurt when people didn't agree with Him. He was fundamentally mission-focused and others-centered.
Jesus also demonstrates the need to sometimes "verbally" walk away when dealing with a toxic person.
Luke 23:8-9 NIV [8] When Herod saw Jesus, he was greatly pleased, because for a long time he had been wanting to see him. From what he had heard about him, he hoped to see him perform a sign of some sort. [9] He plied him with many questions, but Jesus gave him no answer.
Matthew 27:12-14 NIV [12] When he was accused by the chief priests and the elders, he gave no answer. [13] Then Pilate asked him, “Don’t you hear the testimony they are bringing against you?” [14] But Jesus made no reply, not even to a single charge—to the great amazement of the governor.
We don’t have to argue. When a toxic person is attacking you, you don’t have to participate, especially when you know it won’t make any difference.
Perhaps the most profound example of Jesus letting someone walk away occurred at the Last Supper. Jesus knew Judas was going to betray Him. He even spoke about it in advance. And yet, He allowed Judas to walk out of the room. He didn’t chase after him. He didn’t waste precious time trying to change Judas’s mind. Instead, He spent every last minute He had left investing in His faithful, reliable disciples and in prayer, right up until the moment He was arrested.
Many plastic bracelets have been sold with the words "What Would Jesus Do?" If you’re dealing with toxic people, you may want to consider a different question: "What Would Jesus Not Do?"
Jesus didn't just walk away from toxic people; He was also willing to walk away for purposes of ministry effectiveness and strategy. People wanted to be around Him, but He never allowed the desires of others to dictate who He spent His time with. Just when people most wanted Him to stay, Jesus often left.
Mark 1:35-39 NIV [35] Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. [36] Simon and his companions went to look for him, [37] and when they found him, they exclaimed: “Everyone is looking for you!” [38] Jesus replied, “Let us go somewhere else—to the nearby villages—so I can preach there also. That is why I have come.” [39] So he traveled throughout Galilee, preaching in their synagogues and driving out demons.
Jesus wasn’t swayed by either standing ovations or jeering ridicule. He was truly Lord of His own life. Neither should we allow the neediness of others or the toxicity of others to determine where, when, and how we spend our time. Neediness, in particular, can be a subtle form of toxicity. Our spiritual radar goes way up when someone forcefully attacks us, but a passive-aggressive neediness can slip in unawares and steal our attention even more effectively than a full-frontal assault.
If someone is trying to control you, that itself is toxic. Whether they use force or guilt, direct attack or unreasonable neediness, it’s still all about control. Controlling someone (or letting yourself be controlled) is wrong.
Not Today
As far as allowing Himself to be mistreated, though Jesus came to die the death of a martyr, He didn’t allow consistent and persistent abuse to continue throughout His life. He let Himself be tortured and crucified once, but there were many occasions before that when He “slipped away” from those who wanted to hurt Him.
John 8:58-59 NIV [58] “Very truly I tell you,” Jesus answered, “before Abraham was born, I am!” [59] At this, they picked up stones to stone him, but Jesus hid himself, slipping away from the temple grounds.
John 10:34-39 NIV [34] Jesus answered them, “Is it not written in your Law, ‘I have said you are “gods” ’? [35] If he called them ‘gods,’ to whom the word of God came—and Scripture cannot be set aside— [36] what about the one whom the Father set apart as his very own and sent into the world? Why then do you accuse me of blasphemy because I said, ‘I am God’s Son’? [37] Do not believe me unless I do the works of my Father. [38] But if I do them, even though you do not believe me, believe the works, that you may know and understand that the Father is in me, and I in the Father.” [39] Again they tried to seize him, but he escaped their grasp. (emphasis mine)
Matthew 12:13-21 NIV [13] Then he said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” So he stretched it out and it was completely restored, just as sound as the other. [14] But the Pharisees went out and plotted how they might kill Jesus. [15] Aware of this, Jesus withdrew from that place. A large crowd followed him, and he healed all who were ill. [16] He warned them not to tell others about him. [17] This was to fulfill what was spoken through the prophet Isaiah: [18] “Here is my servant whom I have chosen, the one I love, in whom I delight; I will put my Spirit on him, and he will proclaim justice to the nations. [19] He will not quarrel or cry out; no one will hear his voice in the streets. [20] A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out, till he has brought justice through to victory. [21] In his name the nations will put their hope.”
Your persecution may not be physical stoning, but emotional shaming, slander, or someone who tries to defend their own reprehensible behavior by making you feel crazy for calling them out on it (gaslighting). In the course of Kingdom work, whether you’re serving God in an office, sports, or in a school, facing pushback and abuse is inevitable. For every Christian who is bent on seeking first the Kingdom of God, there is a corresponding number of Christians bent on telling those seeking first the Kingdom of God that they are seeking the Kingdom in the wrong way. We can't avoid this pushback without leaving this planet, but we can learn to walk away when the time is right and as God leads.
Proverbs 22:3 NIV [3] The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.
Jesus didn’t cede control of His life to anyone. He told His disciples that His death would be His choice, not His enemies’:
John 10:18 NIV No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again. This command I received from my Father.”
So then, in His words and in His practice, Jesus modeled how to let people go, how to walk away, and how to stay in charge of our schedule. Let's truly follow in the footsteps of Jesus by boldly walking away when necessary and finding reliable people in whose lives we can make a worthy investment. This aligns perfectly with the continuous process of strengthening our faith foundation and aligning our priorities with God's will. It requires regular self-reflection and openness to His guidance.
Jesus didn't just walk away from toxic people; He was also willing to walk away for purposes of ministry effectiveness and strategy. People wanted to be around Him, but He never allowed the desires of others to dictate who He spent His time with. Just when people most wanted Him to stay, Jesus often left.
Mark 1:35-39 NIV [35] Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. [36] Simon and his companions went to look for him, [37] and when they found him, they exclaimed: “Everyone is looking for you!” [38] Jesus replied, “Let us go somewhere else—to the nearby villages—so I can preach there also. That is why I have come.” [39] So he traveled throughout Galilee, preaching in their synagogues and driving out demons.
Jesus wasn’t swayed by either standing ovations or jeering ridicule. He was truly Lord of His own life. Neither should we allow the neediness of others or the toxicity of others to determine where, when, and how we spend our time. Neediness, in particular, can be a subtle form of toxicity. Our spiritual radar goes way up when someone forcefully attacks us, but a passive-aggressive neediness can slip in unawares and steal our attention even more effectively than a full-frontal assault.
If someone is trying to control you, that itself is toxic. Whether they use force or guilt, direct attack or unreasonable neediness, it’s still all about control. Controlling someone (or letting yourself be controlled) is wrong.
Not Today
As far as allowing Himself to be mistreated, though Jesus came to die the death of a martyr, He didn’t allow consistent and persistent abuse to continue throughout His life. He let Himself be tortured and crucified once, but there were many occasions before that when He “slipped away” from those who wanted to hurt Him.
John 8:58-59 NIV [58] “Very truly I tell you,” Jesus answered, “before Abraham was born, I am!” [59] At this, they picked up stones to stone him, but Jesus hid himself, slipping away from the temple grounds.
John 10:34-39 NIV [34] Jesus answered them, “Is it not written in your Law, ‘I have said you are “gods” ’? [35] If he called them ‘gods,’ to whom the word of God came—and Scripture cannot be set aside— [36] what about the one whom the Father set apart as his very own and sent into the world? Why then do you accuse me of blasphemy because I said, ‘I am God’s Son’? [37] Do not believe me unless I do the works of my Father. [38] But if I do them, even though you do not believe me, believe the works, that you may know and understand that the Father is in me, and I in the Father.” [39] Again they tried to seize him, but he escaped their grasp. (emphasis mine)
Matthew 12:13-21 NIV [13] Then he said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” So he stretched it out and it was completely restored, just as sound as the other. [14] But the Pharisees went out and plotted how they might kill Jesus. [15] Aware of this, Jesus withdrew from that place. A large crowd followed him, and he healed all who were ill. [16] He warned them not to tell others about him. [17] This was to fulfill what was spoken through the prophet Isaiah: [18] “Here is my servant whom I have chosen, the one I love, in whom I delight; I will put my Spirit on him, and he will proclaim justice to the nations. [19] He will not quarrel or cry out; no one will hear his voice in the streets. [20] A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out, till he has brought justice through to victory. [21] In his name the nations will put their hope.”
Your persecution may not be physical stoning, but emotional shaming, slander, or someone who tries to defend their own reprehensible behavior by making you feel crazy for calling them out on it (gaslighting). In the course of Kingdom work, whether you’re serving God in an office, sports, or in a school, facing pushback and abuse is inevitable. For every Christian who is bent on seeking first the Kingdom of God, there is a corresponding number of Christians bent on telling those seeking first the Kingdom of God that they are seeking the Kingdom in the wrong way. We can't avoid this pushback without leaving this planet, but we can learn to walk away when the time is right and as God leads.
Proverbs 22:3 NIV [3] The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.
Jesus didn’t cede control of His life to anyone. He told His disciples that His death would be His choice, not His enemies’:
John 10:18 NIV No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again. This command I received from my Father.”
So then, in His words and in His practice, Jesus modeled how to let people go, how to walk away, and how to stay in charge of our schedule. Let's truly follow in the footsteps of Jesus by boldly walking away when necessary and finding reliable people in whose lives we can make a worthy investment. This aligns perfectly with the continuous process of strengthening our faith foundation and aligning our priorities with God's will. It requires regular self-reflection and openness to His guidance.
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