As followers of Christ, we're called to live lives that reflect His love and wisdom. This isn't just about individual faith; it deeply impacts our most foundational relationships, especially within the family. In this post I want to explore what the Apostle Paul, guided by the Holy Spirit, tells us in Ephesians 5 and 6 about building strong, God-honoring households.
When Paul penned these words, the world around him was vastly different from the ideals of Godly marriage and family. Whether Jew or Gentile, societal norms often devalued women. In Jewish law, a woman was often seen as property, with no legal rights of her own, and divorce was tragically easy to obtain. While the Rabbis theoretically held marriage in high esteem, in practice, divorce became commonplace, often for the most trivial reasons. Jesus, in Matthew 5, clarified God's original intent, emphasizing that divorce was permissible only in cases of infidelity, freeing it from the widespread misinterpretations of His day.
Matthew 5:31-32 NIV [31] “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ [32] But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
The Greek world offered no better, with prostitution woven into the fabric of society and divorce being a mere change of mood. Roman family life was similarly fractured, with marriages frequently ending in divorce as easily as they began. It was against this backdrop of widespread brokenness that Paul delivered a radical call to a new purity and fellowship in marriage and family life. Christianity, from its very beginning, brought an immense cleansing effect to homes and elevated the status of women.
The Basis of Love
Sometimes, the emphasis of Ephesians 5:21-33 is mistakenly placed solely on the wife's submission. But the true essence of this passage is not control; it is sacrificial love.
Ephesians 5:21-33 NIV [21] Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. [22] Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. [23] For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. [24] Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. [25] Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her [26] to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, [27] and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. [28] In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. [29] After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— [30] for we are members of his body. [31] “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” [32] This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. [33] However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Paul outlines several crucial aspects of a husband's love for his wife:
This profound mystery, as Paul calls it, isn't just about husband and wife. It's a powerful illustration of the way Christ and the Church are one, bringing together Jew and Gentile into a single, unified body, finding peace in Him.
Ephesians 2:14-17 NIV [14] For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, [15] by setting aside in his flesh the law with its commands and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace, [16] and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. [17] He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near.
The husband's headship is not about tyranny, but about loving, self-giving leadership, mirroring Christ's headship over the Church. The wife's respect and dependence on her husband reflect the Church's dependence on the Lord.
Honoring God in Our Children
Paul then turns his attention to children and parents.
Ephesians 6:1-4 NIV [1] Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. [2] “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— [3] “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” [4] Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
The instruction to children is clear: "Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do." This isn't merely a cultural suggestion; it's a divine mandate.
Exodus 20:12 NIV [12] “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.
Plus
Colossians 3:20 NIV Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
While ancient laws, show the severity of continued rebellion, the principle remains: honoring parents is vital. This doesn't mean blind obedience if a parent were to command something contrary to God's will (like forbidding belief in Jesus). The context of this command is within the framework of a Godly household.
Paul's directives for families call us to a higher standard, rooted in Christ's love and God's divine order. Building a strong foundation in faith and aligning our priorities with God's will is a continuous process, requiring regular self-reflection and openness to God's guidance. When we apply these timeless truths, we create homes that are not just havens, but also powerful testimonies to God's transformative power.
When Paul penned these words, the world around him was vastly different from the ideals of Godly marriage and family. Whether Jew or Gentile, societal norms often devalued women. In Jewish law, a woman was often seen as property, with no legal rights of her own, and divorce was tragically easy to obtain. While the Rabbis theoretically held marriage in high esteem, in practice, divorce became commonplace, often for the most trivial reasons. Jesus, in Matthew 5, clarified God's original intent, emphasizing that divorce was permissible only in cases of infidelity, freeing it from the widespread misinterpretations of His day.
Matthew 5:31-32 NIV [31] “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ [32] But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
The Greek world offered no better, with prostitution woven into the fabric of society and divorce being a mere change of mood. Roman family life was similarly fractured, with marriages frequently ending in divorce as easily as they began. It was against this backdrop of widespread brokenness that Paul delivered a radical call to a new purity and fellowship in marriage and family life. Christianity, from its very beginning, brought an immense cleansing effect to homes and elevated the status of women.
The Basis of Love
Sometimes, the emphasis of Ephesians 5:21-33 is mistakenly placed solely on the wife's submission. But the true essence of this passage is not control; it is sacrificial love.
Ephesians 5:21-33 NIV [21] Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. [22] Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. [23] For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. [24] Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. [25] Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her [26] to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, [27] and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. [28] In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. [29] After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— [30] for we are members of his body. [31] “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” [32] This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. [33] However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Paul outlines several crucial aspects of a husband's love for his wife:
- Sacrificial Love: Husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the Church, giving Himself for her. This is not a selfish love; it's a love that seeks to serve and uplift, always ready to make sacrifices for her good.
- Purifying Love: Just as Christ cleansed and consecrated the Church, a husband's love should be uplifting. Real love never drags a person down; it inspires growth and holiness, helping her to be "without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish."
- Caring Love: A man is to love his wife as he loves his own body. This love cherishes and nourishes, not for what it can gain, but out of genuine care.
- Unbreakable Love: For the sake of this love, a man leaves his father and mother and cleaves to his wife, becoming one flesh. This union is meant to be as inseparable as the parts of one's own body, a stark contrast to the fleeting relationships of Paul's time – and, sadly, of our own.
- A Relationship in the Lord: Crucially, Christian marriage is not just about two partners; it's about three. Christ is the vital third, making the relationship whole and complete.
This profound mystery, as Paul calls it, isn't just about husband and wife. It's a powerful illustration of the way Christ and the Church are one, bringing together Jew and Gentile into a single, unified body, finding peace in Him.
Ephesians 2:14-17 NIV [14] For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, [15] by setting aside in his flesh the law with its commands and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace, [16] and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. [17] He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near.
The husband's headship is not about tyranny, but about loving, self-giving leadership, mirroring Christ's headship over the Church. The wife's respect and dependence on her husband reflect the Church's dependence on the Lord.
Honoring God in Our Children
Paul then turns his attention to children and parents.
Ephesians 6:1-4 NIV [1] Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. [2] “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— [3] “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” [4] Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
The instruction to children is clear: "Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do." This isn't merely a cultural suggestion; it's a divine mandate.
- Right and Natural: Obeying parents is inherently "right and natural" in any society. It reflects a fundamental order established by God, where parents are given authority to guide and nurture their children.
- A Powerful Allegory: The parent-child dynamic is designed to be a living parable of our relationship with God. Just as children learn to trust and obey their parents, even when understanding is limited, so too are we called to trust and obey our Heavenly Father.
- A Promise of Blessing: This command comes with a promise, reiterated from the Ten Commandments.
Exodus 20:12 NIV [12] “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.
Plus
Colossians 3:20 NIV Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
While ancient laws, show the severity of continued rebellion, the principle remains: honoring parents is vital. This doesn't mean blind obedience if a parent were to command something contrary to God's will (like forbidding belief in Jesus). The context of this command is within the framework of a Godly household.
Paul's directives for families call us to a higher standard, rooted in Christ's love and God's divine order. Building a strong foundation in faith and aligning our priorities with God's will is a continuous process, requiring regular self-reflection and openness to God's guidance. When we apply these timeless truths, we create homes that are not just havens, but also powerful testimonies to God's transformative power.
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