There are times when we know we need to speak up for our faith—whether we're sharing the Gospel or standing for what is right in a world that often is moving in the opposite direction. These can be particularly challenging moments, especially when discussing difficult moral questions like what the Bible says about homosexuality, sex outside of marriage, abortion, or same-sex marriage. In these situations, we are called to be bold, just as Jesus was.
But if we’re not careful, the line between boldness and rudeness can blur. We can end up being harsh or unkind, and when that happens, people won't hear our message. We won't be representing Jesus well at all.
So, how do we discern the difference? Before your next conversation where you stand up for what you believe is right, it's essential to plan how to deliver your message in a way that avoids rudeness and inspires people to listen.
Here are some ways to know the difference between rudeness and righteous boldness.
Righteous Boldness Stands for Truth, Rudeness Just Wants to Win
When you speak boldly for God's truth, your motive must be love—not pride, ego, or the thrill of being right. Righteous boldness involves defending what is good and true, even if it’s unpopular, because you love people enough to do so. Rudeness, on the other hand, often comes from a desire to dominate a conversation, prove someone wrong, or get the last word.
Truth alone is not enough it must be spoken in the God kind of love (agape).
Ephesians 4:15 NLT] Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.
1 Corinthians 13:1 NLT If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
Truth without love becomes only noise. Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: "How much do I really care about this person?" "Am I trying to bring them closer to Jesus, or just trying to win an argument?" If love isn’t driving your boldness, you’re falling into rudeness.
Righteous Boldness Is Led by the Holy Spirit, Rudeness Is Driven by Emotions
Righteous boldness flows from a strong connection with the Holy Spirit. When you are righteously bold, you demonstrate self-control, gentleness, kindness, wisdom, and discernment—all fruits of the Spirit’s work in your life.
Galatians 5:22-23 NLT But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!
Rudeness, however, often bubbles up from unprocessed emotions like anger or frustration. Rudeness is a reaction, not a response.
Spirit-led boldness is never impulsive or destructive.
James 1:19-21 NLT Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls.
It is wise to pray before starting a challenging conversation. Ask the Holy Spirit to search your heart and alert you if you're too emotional to speak without being rude.
Righteous Boldness Respects People, Rudeness Disrespects People
Jesus modeled perfect boldness but never lost sight of a person’s worth, even when confronting sin. For example, when Jesus talked with the woman at the well, he wasn’t rude to her, even though he knew she was living in sin. He treated her with dignity as he talked with her.
John 1:7-27 NLT Soon a Samaritan woman came to draw water, and Jesus said to her, 'Please give me a drink.' He was all alone at the time because his disciples had gone into the village to buy some food. The woman was surprised, for Jews refuse to have anything to do with Samaritans. She said to Jesus, 'You are a Jew, and I am a Samaritan woman. Why are you asking me for a drink?' Jesus replied, 'If you only knew the gift God has for you and who you are speaking to, you would ask me, and I would give you living water.' 'Sir,' the woman replied, 'you don't have a rope or a bucket, and this well is very deep. Where would you get this living water? And besides, are you greater than our ancestor Jacob? How can you offer better water than he and his sons and his animals enjoyed?' Jesus replied, 'Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.' 'Please, sir, give me this water!' the woman said. 'Then I’ll never be thirsty again, and I won’t have to come here to get water.' 'Go and get your husband,' Jesus told her. 'I don’t have a husband,' the woman replied. Jesus said, 'You’re right! You don’t have a husband—for you have had five husbands, and you aren’t even married to the man you’re living with now. You certainly spoke the truth!' 'Sir,' the woman said, 'you must be a prophet. So tell me, why is it that you Jews insist that Jerusalem is the only place of worship, while we Samaritans claim it is here at Mount Gerizim, where our ancestors worshiped?' Jesus replied, 'Believe me, dear woman, the time is coming when it will no longer matter whether you worship the Father on this mountain or in Jerusalem. You Samaritans know so little about the one you worship, while we Jews know all about him, for salvation comes through the Jews. But the time is coming—indeed it’s already here—when true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth. The Father is looking for those who will worship him that way. For God is Spirit, so those who worship him must worship in spirit and in truth.' The woman said, 'I know the Messiah is coming—the one who is called Christ. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.' Then Jesus replied, 'I am the Messiah!' Just then his disciples returned, and they were shocked to see him talking with a woman. But no one had the courage to ask, 'What do you want with her?' or 'Why are you talking to her?' The woman left her water jar beside the well and ran back to the village, telling everyone, 'Come and see a man who told me everything I ever did! Could he possibly be the Messiah?' So the people came streaming from the village to see him.
Rudeness tears people down by disrespecting their humanity. But if you express yourself with righteous boldness, you can disagree with someone’s choices without demeaning their value.
Colossians 4:6 NLT Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.
Share the truth in a way that preserves dignity and makes people feel cared for, not hurt by harsh words.
But if we’re not careful, the line between boldness and rudeness can blur. We can end up being harsh or unkind, and when that happens, people won't hear our message. We won't be representing Jesus well at all.
So, how do we discern the difference? Before your next conversation where you stand up for what you believe is right, it's essential to plan how to deliver your message in a way that avoids rudeness and inspires people to listen.
Here are some ways to know the difference between rudeness and righteous boldness.
Righteous Boldness Stands for Truth, Rudeness Just Wants to Win
When you speak boldly for God's truth, your motive must be love—not pride, ego, or the thrill of being right. Righteous boldness involves defending what is good and true, even if it’s unpopular, because you love people enough to do so. Rudeness, on the other hand, often comes from a desire to dominate a conversation, prove someone wrong, or get the last word.
Truth alone is not enough it must be spoken in the God kind of love (agape).
Ephesians 4:15 NLT] Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.
1 Corinthians 13:1 NLT If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
Truth without love becomes only noise. Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: "How much do I really care about this person?" "Am I trying to bring them closer to Jesus, or just trying to win an argument?" If love isn’t driving your boldness, you’re falling into rudeness.
Righteous Boldness Is Led by the Holy Spirit, Rudeness Is Driven by Emotions
Righteous boldness flows from a strong connection with the Holy Spirit. When you are righteously bold, you demonstrate self-control, gentleness, kindness, wisdom, and discernment—all fruits of the Spirit’s work in your life.
Galatians 5:22-23 NLT But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!
Rudeness, however, often bubbles up from unprocessed emotions like anger or frustration. Rudeness is a reaction, not a response.
Spirit-led boldness is never impulsive or destructive.
James 1:19-21 NLT Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls.
It is wise to pray before starting a challenging conversation. Ask the Holy Spirit to search your heart and alert you if you're too emotional to speak without being rude.
Righteous Boldness Respects People, Rudeness Disrespects People
Jesus modeled perfect boldness but never lost sight of a person’s worth, even when confronting sin. For example, when Jesus talked with the woman at the well, he wasn’t rude to her, even though he knew she was living in sin. He treated her with dignity as he talked with her.
John 1:7-27 NLT Soon a Samaritan woman came to draw water, and Jesus said to her, 'Please give me a drink.' He was all alone at the time because his disciples had gone into the village to buy some food. The woman was surprised, for Jews refuse to have anything to do with Samaritans. She said to Jesus, 'You are a Jew, and I am a Samaritan woman. Why are you asking me for a drink?' Jesus replied, 'If you only knew the gift God has for you and who you are speaking to, you would ask me, and I would give you living water.' 'Sir,' the woman replied, 'you don't have a rope or a bucket, and this well is very deep. Where would you get this living water? And besides, are you greater than our ancestor Jacob? How can you offer better water than he and his sons and his animals enjoyed?' Jesus replied, 'Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.' 'Please, sir, give me this water!' the woman said. 'Then I’ll never be thirsty again, and I won’t have to come here to get water.' 'Go and get your husband,' Jesus told her. 'I don’t have a husband,' the woman replied. Jesus said, 'You’re right! You don’t have a husband—for you have had five husbands, and you aren’t even married to the man you’re living with now. You certainly spoke the truth!' 'Sir,' the woman said, 'you must be a prophet. So tell me, why is it that you Jews insist that Jerusalem is the only place of worship, while we Samaritans claim it is here at Mount Gerizim, where our ancestors worshiped?' Jesus replied, 'Believe me, dear woman, the time is coming when it will no longer matter whether you worship the Father on this mountain or in Jerusalem. You Samaritans know so little about the one you worship, while we Jews know all about him, for salvation comes through the Jews. But the time is coming—indeed it’s already here—when true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth. The Father is looking for those who will worship him that way. For God is Spirit, so those who worship him must worship in spirit and in truth.' The woman said, 'I know the Messiah is coming—the one who is called Christ. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.' Then Jesus replied, 'I am the Messiah!' Just then his disciples returned, and they were shocked to see him talking with a woman. But no one had the courage to ask, 'What do you want with her?' or 'Why are you talking to her?' The woman left her water jar beside the well and ran back to the village, telling everyone, 'Come and see a man who told me everything I ever did! Could he possibly be the Messiah?' So the people came streaming from the village to see him.
Rudeness tears people down by disrespecting their humanity. But if you express yourself with righteous boldness, you can disagree with someone’s choices without demeaning their value.
Colossians 4:6 NLT Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.
Share the truth in a way that preserves dignity and makes people feel cared for, not hurt by harsh words.
Righteous Boldness Inspires People to Change, Rudeness Pushes People Away
When boldness is righteous, it leads people toward reflection, repentance, and spiritual growth. It inspires them to live holy lives. When boldness turns into rudeness, it usually causes people to become defensive and walk away. Don’t ever shut people down. Instead, try to open their eyes to the truth in a way that God can use.
Proverbs 15:1 NLT A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.
Righteous Boldness Focuses on Love, Rudeness Focuses on Self
Righteous boldness comes from love—love for God, God’s truth, and people. Rudeness usually comes from a focus on self-righteousness.
1 Corinthians 16:13-14 NLT Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong. And do everything with love.
When love is your motive for speaking up boldly, God can use your words for healing instead of harm. Before you speak, consider why you want to. Is it out of genuine concern for someone’s soul, or are you just trying to prove you’re right?
Righteous Boldness Listens before Speaking, Rudeness Assumes and Accuses
A crucial part of righteous boldness is the willingness to listen well to people before speaking. Don’t bulldoze your way through a conversation. Try to listen more than you talk. Listening helps people feel safe enough to talk with you and seriously consider what you have to say. Be courageous enough to try to understand another’s point of view.
For example, let’s look at how Jesus handles the situation of the woman caught in adultery.
John 8:1-11 NLT Jesus returned to the Mount of Olives, but early the next morning he was back again at the Temple. A crowd soon gathered, and he sat down and taught them. As he was speaking, the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd. “Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?” They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust. When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn't even one of them condemn you?” “No, Lord,” she said. And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”
He listened patiently and then gave a compassionate response.
Righteous Boldness Points to Jesus, Rudeness Points to You
Righteous boldness should always direct people’s attention to Jesus instead of yourself. Don’t worry about showing people how right or brave you are. Avoid seeking any kind of validation or control through your conversations. Instead, just do your best to shine a light that points people to Jesus. John the Baptist had a big and growing ministry, but he declares that Jesus was greater than him.
John 3:28-30 NLT You yourselves know how plainly I told you, ‘I am not the Messiah. I am only here to prepare the way for him.’ It is the bridegroom who marries the bride, and the bridegroom’s friend is simply glad to stand with him and hear his vows. Therefore, I am filled with joy at his success. He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less.
As you try to show people more of Jesus and less of yourself, you’ll serve God well.
God calls you to share His truth, but not to be harsh or hurtful. Righteous boldness is courageous, loving, and led by the Holy Spirit. Rudeness is the opposite. To represent Jesus well in this world, you need both courage and kindness. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you navigate difficult conversations, online debates, and other situations when you know you should speak up. Try to let Jesus’ love flow through you as you share His truth, both in what you say and how you say it.
When boldness is righteous, it leads people toward reflection, repentance, and spiritual growth. It inspires them to live holy lives. When boldness turns into rudeness, it usually causes people to become defensive and walk away. Don’t ever shut people down. Instead, try to open their eyes to the truth in a way that God can use.
Proverbs 15:1 NLT A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.
Righteous Boldness Focuses on Love, Rudeness Focuses on Self
Righteous boldness comes from love—love for God, God’s truth, and people. Rudeness usually comes from a focus on self-righteousness.
1 Corinthians 16:13-14 NLT Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong. And do everything with love.
When love is your motive for speaking up boldly, God can use your words for healing instead of harm. Before you speak, consider why you want to. Is it out of genuine concern for someone’s soul, or are you just trying to prove you’re right?
Righteous Boldness Listens before Speaking, Rudeness Assumes and Accuses
A crucial part of righteous boldness is the willingness to listen well to people before speaking. Don’t bulldoze your way through a conversation. Try to listen more than you talk. Listening helps people feel safe enough to talk with you and seriously consider what you have to say. Be courageous enough to try to understand another’s point of view.
For example, let’s look at how Jesus handles the situation of the woman caught in adultery.
John 8:1-11 NLT Jesus returned to the Mount of Olives, but early the next morning he was back again at the Temple. A crowd soon gathered, and he sat down and taught them. As he was speaking, the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd. “Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?” They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust. When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn't even one of them condemn you?” “No, Lord,” she said. And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”
He listened patiently and then gave a compassionate response.
Righteous Boldness Points to Jesus, Rudeness Points to You
Righteous boldness should always direct people’s attention to Jesus instead of yourself. Don’t worry about showing people how right or brave you are. Avoid seeking any kind of validation or control through your conversations. Instead, just do your best to shine a light that points people to Jesus. John the Baptist had a big and growing ministry, but he declares that Jesus was greater than him.
John 3:28-30 NLT You yourselves know how plainly I told you, ‘I am not the Messiah. I am only here to prepare the way for him.’ It is the bridegroom who marries the bride, and the bridegroom’s friend is simply glad to stand with him and hear his vows. Therefore, I am filled with joy at his success. He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less.
As you try to show people more of Jesus and less of yourself, you’ll serve God well.
God calls you to share His truth, but not to be harsh or hurtful. Righteous boldness is courageous, loving, and led by the Holy Spirit. Rudeness is the opposite. To represent Jesus well in this world, you need both courage and kindness. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you navigate difficult conversations, online debates, and other situations when you know you should speak up. Try to let Jesus’ love flow through you as you share His truth, both in what you say and how you say it.
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